Choosing to walk away from an abusive relationship is a very brave and essential step towards your safety and emotional well-being. For people all over Australia who are confronted with these situations, the process of leaving an abusive relationship can be emotionally, practically and safely challenging. But while leaving is the clearest way out, the path to healing after an abusive relationship is crucial and also takes time, support, and a lot of empathy for the healing process. This resource will provide authoritative and empowering guidance to Australians who are experiencing these kinds of momentous life changes and is designed to offer assistance in terms of safety planning, accessing available supports, and initiating long-term healing and renewal.
Part 1: The Road Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Getting out of that kind of unhealthy situation is (almost) never easy. It is something that needs to be thought about and planned and can sometimes require the help of people we trust and professional resources.
Recognising the Need to Leave
The first step and the most difficult for many is the recognition that the relationship is unhealthy and that leaving is the one path to safety and a healthier future. Domestic abuse includes several forms of violence and abuse beyond actual physical violence, including emotional, psychological, sexual and financial abuse; technology-facilitated abuse; and coercive control. Internal shifts, such as acknowledging their own experience and realising that the abuse is not their fault, can be key to leaving.
Prioritising Safety: The Non-Negotiable First Step
The safety of oneself and any children at risk should be the first consideration when considering leaving an abusive relationship. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is often not during the relationship itself; it is before it ends and for seven years after. Landers pointed to research and anecdotal evidence showing that the most dangerous time for a victim is up to two years before and two years after separation from an abusive partner, as an abuser may seek to regain the perceived power lost when the relationship ends.
Careful safety planning is an important part of this stage. Although this will be different for everybody, people in Australia are strongly encouraged to get in touch with specialist domestic violence support services to discuss their safety plans. Elements that may feature in this plan include planning safe exits from home and workplace and writing down emergency contacts (trusted friends, family, support group), putting together an emergency bag of important items (ID, driver’s licence, birth certificates, Medicare card, bank details and cards, medication, some cash, a few basic items of clothing, important items for children) and storing this bag in a safe but accessible place. Ensure a method of communication is secured (a charged mobile phone with preset emergency numbers or a safe phone).
Protecting children means explaining what small safety measures they can take for themselves and what their needs are within the plans. Online security is also an important factor, including changing passwords for online accounts, searching phones, computers and electronic devices for tracking devices, and being aware of an electronic trail.
Accessing Initial Support and Resources in Australia
When you decide to go or are thinking about leaving, you need immediate help. National helplines can offer confidential advice and crisis support and can also refer you directly to state or territory-based domestic violence support services. These locally based services can provide a variety of support, including access to emergency accommodation such as a women’s refuge and shelter. A safe place to go for you and your children.
Practical Steps in Leaving
Leaving an abusive relationship is not “common sense,” as in the grocery store. Maybe wait until your abusive partner is not home, if that is safe for you to do. Having people you trust aware of the plan will allow some of your support network to be in place when it’s time for you to leave. If safe, gather important family and financial papers and sentimental items that are small and easy to carry. But in most cases, the first step has to be to get a lawyer’s help.
This may include learning about how you can apply for a Domestic Violence Order (DVO) or Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) in your state or territory of Australia, which can offer legal protection by setting terms for how your abusive partner must act and interact. Given that there’s no known limit for when loved ones will be safe in the cases of timeout deaths, goodbyes are bound to be challenging.
The experience of living, albeit a step in the right direction, is a whirlwind of mixed and heated emotions. Here are some common negative feelings you might face: fear of the unknown, guilt (often unjustly earned), deep sadness at the end of a relationship (even a toxic one), loneliness and intense anxiety. It’s okay to feel like this, and it’s okay to not know how to feel - it’s a lot to make a decision (actively or passively) to end someone’s life. Seeking counselling or emotional support through domestic violence support services during this intense stage can be helpful.
Part 2: The Healing Process Post-Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship is a huge accomplishment, but it is not the end of the journey: the healing and recovery journey. This journey is individual and takes time, self-love and support.
Understanding the Aftermath: Common Emotional and Psychological Impacts
The emotional and psychological scars linked to domestic abuse run deep. Typical long-term effects include PTSD, which is marked by flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance. Anxiety disorders and depression are likewise common. Trusting themselves and trusting a new love interest is the downfall of many survivors. You lose a tremendous amount of self-respect and self-pride with the constant belittling and controlling that occurs in the abusive relationship. Expressions of grief over the lost relationship (even if the relationship was unhealthy), for the future that was imagined, or for the person they once were, are not only normal but also a necessary part of moving on. Normalising these responses as survival mechanisms to a traumatic situation is crucial to recovery.
Seeking Professional Therapeutic Support in Australia
Professional therapy is commonly a fundamental source of healing from an abusive relationship. Specialised trauma-informed counselling, offered by many Australian domestic violence support services, mental health services, or private psychologists and counsellors, can offer a safe space to talk about these experiences of abuse. Therapists can help sufferers understand the nature of leaving an abusive relationship, learn other ways of coping, handle the symptoms of trauma, and rebuild their sense of self and sense of control. Several therapeutic interventions can be used, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) for negative thoughts, EMDR for trauma processing, or somatic therapies related to the body’s response to trauma. That specific model would just be a personal preference and would be different for different needs.
Building a Support Network
Abusers often isolate their targets, and the isolation can continue after one has left. Actively creating or re-creating strong support for self is essential for recovery. That means finding empathy in your closest support system of friends and family and seeking emotional and practical help there. Peratrata is a provider of support groups (often facilitated by Oz support services) for survivors of abuse. Sharing with other people who have shared experiences can make you feel less lonely, validate feelings and create a sense of community and collective strength.
Self-Care Strategies for Healing
It is important to practice consistent self-care while healing. This is about putting your physical and emotional needs first. Creating predictable schedules can create a sense of order and control. Healthy eating and physical activity can make you feel good and reduce stress. Engaging in mindfulness activities, meditation, or gentle yoga can help control anxiety and bring you into the present. Keeping up a creative output is a good, healthy way to process the emotional aspects of it, though. Setting safe boundaries in any kind of relationship takes skill that is taught and practised. It is also crucial to give oneself permission to grieve the losses related to the expected relationship and know that healing is not linear—rather, you’ll have good days and some tougher days.
Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Trust
As with all domestic abuse, it is designed to destroy self-esteem and faith in one’s judgment. Recovery is a process of doing the work to restore a sense of worth. This may include challenging negative self-messages of the abuser, emphasising self-strengths and accomplishments, and doing things that invoke feelings of competence and joy. Regaining trust in oneself and eventually other people takes time, help from therapy, and establishing new, positive relationships.
Legal and Practical Matters in the Longer Term
For many of those who leave, the post-separation time may include continued legal processes, especially if children are involved (in terms of parenting agreements or children’s contact) or if property settlement issues are managed through Australian family law. You must have access to continued legal advice and assistance. Restore financial independence, particularly if financial abuse was a feature of the relationship. This might mean seeking financial counselling, learning how to budget and accessing government or community support.
Healing for Children
Also, children who witnessed domestic violence heal as well. Specialist children’s counselling services, usually available via domestic violence support services or child and adolescent mental health services in Australia, can support children to process what happened to them, make sense of their feelings and learn healthy coping strategies. They need a safe, stable, and nurturing home environment to recover.
Conclusion
The choice for an Australian to step towards freedom from an abusive partner is an act of great courage and the beginning of a journey to a safer and happier life. The recovery process that follows leaving an abusive relationship is filled with the utmost personal work and growth and requires patience, self-compassion, and long-term support. Australia has a network of specialist support services and a 24-hour national hotline that can offer confidential counselling and support to women who have experienced domestic violence. The road may be difficult, but recovery is possible, and a future free from fear, violence or control is within reach.